I Am Still Crying For Someone Who Cheated On Me And Died On Me

This was my first observation when I visited the cemetery where an apple tree has been planted in memory of my husband's death. I noticed that I am still feeling sensitive when I am looking at an apple tree.

By deciding to move on in my life I will perhaps in the future cry less and less. This is in my life easier said than done. The shock of finding out the painful fact that there were three of us in my marriage will always be with me. It was a catastrophe to realise that my husband has passed away and he had another person in his life. My feelings of being sad started to mix with my feelings of being incredibly angry. I feel betrayed.

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I still feel like an idiot for marrying a man like my husband, and I am embarrassed to talk about my marriage. I realised that the sorrows and joys of my life were not only for my husband, but he shared them with the third party. I feel like instead of whispering something in my husband's ear I was actually speaking into a loudspeaker and the whole world could hear me loud and clear.

Today I know that he can't hurt me any more. He was fully responsible for living his life the way he did and I am only sad that he passed away. I concentrate on my happy memories and move on. I have allowed myself to be free from the past.

Grieving is a process which has quite a clear and precise beginning but not such a clear ending. My grieving started when I received my husband's death certificate but when does the grieving end? There are some signs which might help to interpret the situation.

Seeing myself in a different light is good news. I am no longer a helpless victim, but a strong survivor. Do I think he got what he deserved when he died? I certainly did not want him to die, and the fact that he died at a young age always makes me sad.

Sometimes I ask myself if time will make my life any easier. I know time will not change anything. My husband will stay dead. But I remember him differently. And most of all I know that I am different.

There is something else on the horizon. Like a new day which is just about to break.

I Am Still Crying For Someone Who Cheated On Me And Died On Me

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